Degree collection

Personal time off from work. I love midweek days off, there's a sense of freedom and individualism, almost akin to being awake late in the evening knowing that you are not apart of the majority. My day starts with morning yoga, followed by one last visit to the HKUST campus to fetch my degree.

I hand them my HKID, they hand back an envelope with my degree and my transcript. There's no handshake, no congratulations, no break in stride in administrative workflow. So comes an end to my post graduate adventure. I spent the last final moments strolling around campus before making my way back to Hong Kong Island to address the other thing that I started in August 2017, my heart.

 

A "Virtual" Graduation

It's been almost an entire year since my last exam. Without labouring the point, the year has been nothing short of pedestrian and despite completing all the coursework I don't feel like I've actually graduated. Thankfully, there have been no nightmares of turning up to an exam unprepared. There has been a slight sense of lost knowledge, with the desire to apply what I studied and learnt to the real world. That in itself forms part of the larger question about what my next steps are.

Regardless, there are essentially two outstanding components that remain which lends to the fact that my graduation feels incomplete. One, well we haven't had the official graduation ceremony and two, I still have not received my physical degree. So today, 22nd November 2020, is the Virtual Ceremony. Each student has been asked to upload a photograph of themselves which then had a gown and hat superimposed for the purposes of the virtual degree conferment. 

Eco Rep

HKUST has a concept of 'Eco Representatives', an initiate that allows students to participate in various campus sustainability projects. The 2019/2020 Eco representative team was made up for 30  or so fresh-faced students 19 to 21 year old undergraduate students. I have never felt so old. The difference in age is made even more apparent given that I am the only post graduate student, and also the only part time student. They're probably wondering what a 37 year old man has to take away from a University volunteer environmental sustainability programme.

After starting with a sustainable soils projects, and the impact of carbon and the importance of carbon sequestering. My group and project has pivoted to a sustainable campus initiative and revitalising and re-vamping areas of the Clearwater Bay campus for students. Which is less about method and more about creativity and concept; a very foreign skillset compared to my typical STEM background. We started and formed groups back in September 2019. My group is an eclectic group, with environment, humanities and science undergrad backgrounds with a good mix of international and local students. Unfortunately, campus closures due to local protests and the pandemic, the project was moved to Zoom and most correspondence has been remote via technology.

Here are some of the before and after renditions of our campus transformation.

 

There's definitely a generation gap, in terms of communication, idea generation and project management. I find it difficult to shake the goal driven, outcome dependent mindset that years of employment have moulded my mindset into. There's silly questions, jokes, outrageous suggestions, and shameless mis direction. It's a refreshing experience, the student interactions are less stressed, less formal, less serious, less structured and definitely less corporate way to progressing with a project. I find this to be the most eye-opening part of the experience. I was once like them.

2019-2020 Fall Semester; Complete

We're done, after 2.5 years. It really has gone by so fast, I still remember submitting my application, my first day on campus, my first exam, my first friend. Masters of Science, Big Data Technology.

It's not so much the degree but the memories and the events that took place along the way.

So then, the question is, what's next?

Home stretch

It feels a little different to undergraduate, there's less of a "I'm finally done with school" feeling and more of a Friday morning at work vibe.You know that feeling? It's a Friday, you've already been at work for a few hours and as soon as lunch is done, it's the home stretch until the weekend. This has a distinct feeling of that, the last stretch and then the weekend.

My final semester of school, all assignments have been submitted and all that remains are the final (take home) exams and then I'm finish, or then it's the weekend. I have a sense of anticipation and excitement and I can taste the feeling of freedom. I'm trying to take this all in, and am especially enjoying the intellectual stress and looking forward to releasing the student shackles.

Classes canceled

Universities announce all remaining campus classes have been canceled and the remainder of the semester, exams included has been moved online. I'm kind of relieved, but also mindful that online exams aren't necessarily a good thing...

WeChat translate

Remember that WeChat group?

So, an update. It's akin to herding cats. Zero accountability. This is 100% my own fault for not taking control from a project perspective. But in all honesty, it actually became fairly laborious clicking on "Translate" for 100+ messages. In the end I skipped over a lot of messages and got a "general gist" of the status of each members contribution.

Day of the presentation, we have patched together a report and a presentation and still oddly enough have not met each other. We run over time, but all in all manage to draw praise from the Professor.

As an update, for both the individual project and the group project the grade for each submission was very good. The moral of the story, you can get good grades doing it either way. One just comes with a lot more stress.

Group work

My biggest thing. My biggest grievance. My biggest anxiety about this university course. Is without a doubt, group work. It's preposterous, to think that it causes me stress. I'm pretty good at working together, I've been doing it for my entire career. Look, I get it, they're trying to building soft skills for the work force, but for me it's just additional administration. There's something about university group assignments that lack the usual cohesion and screams of inefficient use of time. The administration of finding a group, the administration of deciding on a topic, the administration of booking library rooms and the administration of coordinating meeting times.

This semester I have two subjects, with two projects, which means two headaches. I should also caution, that I have made little to no effort trying to make friends in this course, so it should come as no surprise that I do not know anybody taking these two subjects. Step one, form a group. For the first subject I send out a public broadcast/plea to the entire class email distribution list. The email reads as follows (attached with pleasantries and salutations).

"I'm a part-time MSc BDT student looking for team members for the upcoming group project - I am interested in equity indices, or crypto, but am fairly flexible with project topic.

Please contact me if you are looking for a group, or interested in the above topics."

One week later, still no reply. 

The second subject I take a different tact, I decide during the lecture break I will casual ask around and see if anybody wants to form a group, or let me join theirs'. It's a small class and I ask each person separately, only to be politely rejected. The panic sets in as I move around the class, only to be declined each time. I stop asking after the fifth person, it would seem that groups have already been formed.

Back to the first subject. Eventually, somebody replies to my email and then by means of WeChat we form a mega group of six people. I wonder why nobody replied, it could very well be a cultural thing. Or it could be a generation thing. I am after all on average 15 years older than these kids. Perhaps, nobody forms groups over emails. It's probably the equivalent of asking somebody out on a date by a hand posted letter. Get with the times.

The second subject I've decided to tackle solo. Yes, it means more workload for me, but it also means complete autonomy and all those issues above, suddenly disappear. Let's see how this semester finishes up.

Semester 2: Done

I have taken a different view to school this semester. I am less obsessed with trying to get excellent grades (sure that's always a bonus), but the stress and the extra amount of work is not conducive to work, school, life balance. Whenever I tell people I have post graduate exams, there almost always seems to be two responses, "Why are you doing that?" and "Do marks even matter in a Master's?". 

Both valid questions, but it's the second question that has allowed me to approach this semester with a different mindset. I'm here to learn, not to be a straight A student. This simple phrase has allowed me to be less fastidious with study and better with time management (although my final grades will be interesting). There's a sense of relief after the final exam, and suddenly, my calendar opens up. Going from having no spare time, to all the time in the world is an adjustment I still haven't gotten used to. Summer break.

Currently Reading: "The Subtle Knife"

Semester 2: Greener Grass

Fourier series, integration, imaginary numbers, convolution, directed graphs, mathematical expectations. There was a time in my life where that all made sense to me. The frustrating thing is that I used to know how to do this; it's the opposite of riding a bike, you do forget, and forgetting and re-learning almost feels like a waste of time.

Oddly enough, in between semesters I was looking forward to hitting the books. Now that I have started, I'm looking forward to the semester break. The grass is always greener. No coincidence that my sleep is starting to play up again...

Currently reading: "Nexus"

End of Fall Semester: Student Life

I sit here on my sofa with a relatively clear mind; I feel so liberated and free. It's the first time in over a month. Final exams are done and the fall semester comes to a conclusion. Hopefully, it also means that one of the most intense three month passages in my life follows suit. My brain, feels like it's had a lobotomy, or as if somebody has pulled it out of my skull and tried to wrung out all the knowledge.

It will be interesting to see what happens. One paper was so hard, I wouldn't be surprised if I failed that subject. The other, I'm quietly confident. Although, it will be interesting to see how Hong Kong style grading works. I suspect a 50/100 doesn't necessarily equate to a "Pass" mark.

So, what were the highlights? Well, I actually found the course work interesting, however the volume, variety, velocity and veracity were slight overwhelming (that's a data mining joke). It's fascinating being in a predominantly mainland Chinese class. They work incredibly hard and have a ferocious capacity to study. It's also an adjustment to understand where these kids come from.

One of the 22 year old students, describes his ambition, he would love to get a job that pays even 10K HKD a month and stay in Hong Kong. He talks about excitement about a 300 RMB keyboard prize and how he shares a flat with 4 other students. He describes his living conditions, he sleeps in the living room and uses his suitcase as a desk for the purposes of studying.

Another Korean kid lives in an 3 bedroom apartment, for less than 8000 HKD a month, the catch? He has to house sit 5 cats "They shit and piss everywhere, it's a nightmare during exam time".

Then there's me ...

"Almost anything will work again if you unplug it" - Anne Lamott

HKUST

HKUST. Officially known as the Hong Kong University Of Science and Technology, but also jokingly known as the Hong Kong University of Stress and Tension. When a professor makes that joke, you know that there's an element of truth behind the moniker.

The weekend that just passed, I spent a total of 12 hours working on assignments and participating in group project discussions. The way I look at it is, if I weren't studying, I probably would have hung out with friends for 5 hours, slept 2 hours and pissed away the remainder. The grass is always greener I tell myself. I think the biggest thing, is how much time I have had to spend in my head, the internal dialog runs wild. There's been many moments, I've asked myself "Why are you doing this? You have a good job".

I'm physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted - My sleep has been compromised. I tell the doctor that I'm a hot mess and that I haven't been able to sleep properly. She looks at me and writes me a prescription for "stress and anxiety", which equates to sleeping pills and beta blockers.

Before I leave she perfunctorily asks "are you having suicidal thoughts?" - "No, I just want to sleep".

Class contact time

I admit, the part time study is starting to get to me. The after work hours and the commute started off fine, but as we progress into the semester, it nags and claws at me. Even with only two subjects there's a lot going on right now. My mind is constantly busy. Work. School. Socially. It is not an even distribution of my time or my thoughts. 

I usually get to campus early and find somewhere quiet to sit before class. There has been a lot of recent press on the psychological effect of push notifications. It's silly, but I look at my phone waiting for that message. This isn't healthy. Not sure if I can keep this up.

"And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before?" - Bastille

Fall Mid Term Exams

It's my first mid-term exam in YEARS. Sure, I've had regulatory papers, and that failed GRE attempt, but for the most part I have not sat a three hour exam in ages. A little bit stressed out as it's after a full day of work. At least it's an open book exam albeit the size of my desk barely fits an A4 sheet of paper!

Breathe in, breath out

The last few weeks; I've lost count of the number of times a medical professional has asked whether or not I feel heart palpitations, tightness in the chest or feeling light headed. Each time I answered no.

However, all this heart talk and the busy school schedule finally catches up on me. I find myself sitting in a lecture theatre. The lecturer stands behind the podium attempting to explain Principal Component Analysis (PCA), I don't understand what he's describing. I look around the class and think about what I need to pack for my trip tomorrow morning. Dam, I still need to pack. Suddenly, I can't breath. I have to consciously tell myself to inhale and exhale. Breathe in. Breathe out. I pull out my phone and Google what's happening. I'm having my first panic attack.

The first day of school

What started as a mild curiosity, married with the severe guilt of a hangover has now developed into enrolment and my first day as a part-time student. Here are the list of questions that I had prior to today's class:

1. How long is the commute from work to school?
2. How long is the commute from school to home?
3. Will I cope with being back at school, especially after such a long time?
4. How many attractive females will there be in my programme?
5. Will I last more than a semester?
6. Will that reoccurring dream about not being prepared for exam resurface?

It was the second time I had visited campus; the first was orientation. I must say, I'm pretty excited to be able to experience higher education overseas. The campus isn't huge, a fraction of the size of Sydney University, however it still manages to be pretty confusing, I'm standing in front of a large map trying to find my classroom. I arrive early to familiarise myself with the the lay of the land and to scope out the gym and eateries on campus. The gym, free for all students, smells like a college gym, I'm instantly taken back to HK Ward in first year university. A lot of the eateries are closed for refurbishment, but there's some cool spots, a resident Ebeneezers, a couple of sandwich bars and your typical school cafe; I'll have to explore more.

Butterflies in the stomach, as I look for the classroom. It's a milder version of undergraduate. Again, I don't know anybody. Again, I'm lost. Not again, I feel like the oldest person on campus.  Eventually find the classroom and it's rammed. Students are sitting on the floor. Not what I was expecting. 7:30 pm, class starts - I brace myself for a long evening worth of new material after a long day in the office.

10:20 pm, class finishes.

1. From work to school, door-to-door, by public transport, it takes approximately 40 mins, that includes MTR, with one line switch and a minibus.
2. From school to home, door-to-door, by public transport, it takes approximately 60 mins, that includes the same minibus, the MTR, with one line switch.
3. That was super dense, but also oddly interesting, my brain hasn't warmed to the idea of learning. Yet.
4. Zero. This was expected from a joint Engineering and Science programme.
5. TBC
6. TBC

I get home just before midnight. I'm exhausted. Day 1. Complete.

HKUST: Fall Term, 2017-18

Congratulations! It is our pleasure to offer you admission to The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology as a postgraduate student"

I read over the words again - Excitement. How did I make the cut out of over 1300 applicants? Apprehension. Do I still have the capacity to learn and study?

Currently reading: "Sapiens"

Recommendations required

It has been over 6 years and I don't really have anything to show for my time here in HK, other than an impending citizenship and marginal improvement on my Cantonese. It takes one weekend of under indulgence to trigger existential questioning.

I've decided, it's time to make another attempt at continued education. I contact my very first manager and my most recent manager and kindly ask for referrals.  Within 24 hours, I submit my application for a Masters in Science. Science is fun.

Currently reading: "Born Standing Up"