Semester 2: Done

I have taken a different view to school this semester. I am less obsessed with trying to get excellent grades (sure that's always a bonus), but the stress and the extra amount of work is not conducive to work, school, life balance. Whenever I tell people I have post graduate exams, there almost always seems to be two responses, "Why are you doing that?" and "Do marks even matter in a Master's?". 

Both valid questions, but it's the second question that has allowed me to approach this semester with a different mindset. I'm here to learn, not to be a straight A student. This simple phrase has allowed me to be less fastidious with study and better with time management (although my final grades will be interesting). There's a sense of relief after the final exam, and suddenly, my calendar opens up. Going from having no spare time, to all the time in the world is an adjustment I still haven't gotten used to. Summer break.

Currently Reading: "The Subtle Knife"

HKUST

HKUST. Officially known as the Hong Kong University Of Science and Technology, but also jokingly known as the Hong Kong University of Stress and Tension. When a professor makes that joke, you know that there's an element of truth behind the moniker.

The weekend that just passed, I spent a total of 12 hours working on assignments and participating in group project discussions. The way I look at it is, if I weren't studying, I probably would have hung out with friends for 5 hours, slept 2 hours and pissed away the remainder. The grass is always greener I tell myself. I think the biggest thing, is how much time I have had to spend in my head, the internal dialog runs wild. There's been many moments, I've asked myself "Why are you doing this? You have a good job".

I'm physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted - My sleep has been compromised. I tell the doctor that I'm a hot mess and that I haven't been able to sleep properly. She looks at me and writes me a prescription for "stress and anxiety", which equates to sleeping pills and beta blockers.

Before I leave she perfunctorily asks "are you having suicidal thoughts?" - "No, I just want to sleep".

The first day of school

What started as a mild curiosity, married with the severe guilt of a hangover has now developed into enrolment and my first day as a part-time student. Here are the list of questions that I had prior to today's class:

1. How long is the commute from work to school?
2. How long is the commute from school to home?
3. Will I cope with being back at school, especially after such a long time?
4. How many attractive females will there be in my programme?
5. Will I last more than a semester?
6. Will that reoccurring dream about not being prepared for exam resurface?

It was the second time I had visited campus; the first was orientation. I must say, I'm pretty excited to be able to experience higher education overseas. The campus isn't huge, a fraction of the size of Sydney University, however it still manages to be pretty confusing, I'm standing in front of a large map trying to find my classroom. I arrive early to familiarise myself with the the lay of the land and to scope out the gym and eateries on campus. The gym, free for all students, smells like a college gym, I'm instantly taken back to HK Ward in first year university. A lot of the eateries are closed for refurbishment, but there's some cool spots, a resident Ebeneezers, a couple of sandwich bars and your typical school cafe; I'll have to explore more.

Butterflies in the stomach, as I look for the classroom. It's a milder version of undergraduate. Again, I don't know anybody. Again, I'm lost. Not again, I feel like the oldest person on campus.  Eventually find the classroom and it's rammed. Students are sitting on the floor. Not what I was expecting. 7:30 pm, class starts - I brace myself for a long evening worth of new material after a long day in the office.

10:20 pm, class finishes.

1. From work to school, door-to-door, by public transport, it takes approximately 40 mins, that includes MTR, with one line switch and a minibus.
2. From school to home, door-to-door, by public transport, it takes approximately 60 mins, that includes the same minibus, the MTR, with one line switch.
3. That was super dense, but also oddly interesting, my brain hasn't warmed to the idea of learning. Yet.
4. Zero. This was expected from a joint Engineering and Science programme.
5. TBC
6. TBC

I get home just before midnight. I'm exhausted. Day 1. Complete.

HKUST: Fall Term, 2017-18

Congratulations! It is our pleasure to offer you admission to The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology as a postgraduate student"

I read over the words again - Excitement. How did I make the cut out of over 1300 applicants? Apprehension. Do I still have the capacity to learn and study?

Currently reading: "Sapiens"

Recommendations required

It has been over 6 years and I don't really have anything to show for my time here in HK, other than an impending citizenship and marginal improvement on my Cantonese. It takes one weekend of under indulgence to trigger existential questioning.

I've decided, it's time to make another attempt at continued education. I contact my very first manager and my most recent manager and kindly ask for referrals.  Within 24 hours, I submit my application for a Masters in Science. Science is fun.

Currently reading: "Born Standing Up"