RIP KAT

I'm not sure if I process the concept of death in a healthy way. 

I'm in a state of shock. Selfishly, this is my own fault, or she didn't want people to know the severity of it. I can sympathise with the decision to withhold information and not draw attention to her malady, attention that would be been heavy sympathy and grief during her last living moments. I regret not reaching out to her, I was provided second hand information of her condition in April. By all accounts the cancer had returned and she was restarting chemo, I was under the assumption that she was on the mend.  She was scheduled to return to Sydney and be supported by family and friends whilst treatment continued. In hindsight this may have been a case of her wanting to spend her remaining time with family. It is a classic case of shock where the magnitude being the difference between expectation and reality. The greater the difference, the greater the shock.

I look back at our chats in March. At the time she had been cleared of the cancer after multiple chemotherapy sessions. She was in an isolation ward 100 metres from my apartment in Hong Kong. We spoke about her last 12 months. We touched on what she was looking forward to: getting vaccinated, being able to travel, more specifically to see her brothers in Singapore, to spend time with family and friends in Sydney. She talked about a shift in motivations, potentially leaving Hong Kong, wanting to find a simpler way of life. She felt tied to work, but felt indebted to her co-founders. 

We talked about NFTs, the War in Ukraine. Finding purpose, motivation and passion in life. "What are you passionate about?" she asked. We explored the idea of her being a dance teacher, she tells me she lacks the patience for teaching. We planned a hot pot for when I return to Hong Kong in May. RIP Kat.