There's no eloquent prose or philosophical way to start this entry. The Covid virtual series continues, as we move through the events: Weddings, Graduations, Celebrations and now, mourning. It's particularly difficult dealing with death in a virtual world. There is a certain celebratory perspective of one's life and post-event coming-together with people from the past, people inextricably linked by memories and friendships of a common person. Death is not something that I have avoided, family and loved ones have passed, funerals have been attended, lives have been mourned. However Frank's passing jolts the system on very personal, intimate level.
We met in first or second year university. An over-achiever (unlike myself) who enrolled in a double degree of Science and Engineering. It was really in the third year of university where I got to know him. Hailing from China, meant that he ate everything. Everything (he used to eat crab shells). Growing up in New Zealand, mean that he supported the All Blacks. A double STEM degree, meant that he was a nerd. I say this affectionately, as he was diligent, but made getting good grades look effortless. He was intelligent, but made friends with all.
There's really two ways to get to know somebody in University, either through extra-curricular or through studying for exams and actively contributing for group assignments. As a student, it's the sharing these moments of desperation, struggle and accountability in the student environment that forges friendships. I look through my USYD emails and see the joint assignments we worked on together. We lived in adjacent suburbs and we would start driving each other from school. He in his Black Honda CRV, me in the red Toyota Corolla (although he drove a lot more than I did). In 2004 we would both receive Internship offers at Toshiba in 2004.
That three-four month internship would include endless hours carpooling to and from work. Talking shit. Battling horrendous traffic. Eating and hanging out at Macquarie Park, Eastwood, Chinatown and Campsie. Attempts to motivate each other to go to the gym before work. Dropping me home before driving back out to pick up Vanessa. Going for drinks after work, going "clubbing" on weekends. The transition of being a student moving into full time employment and from one chapter to the next is something that I hold dear and something that I share with very few people. Frank would complete his studies and move to Honeywell and eventually pursue a Part-time MBA, I would move to London. In 2010 Frank and Vanessa got married, I was asked to be a groomsman, I could not make it back to Sydney for the wedding.
The years passed, we kept in touch. I moved to Hong Kong, he moved to Singapore. We would catch up in Asia before he eventually moved back to Sydney to start a family. He joined a new firm as CTO. He had two beautiful boys. He had scaled the heights personally and professionally. Fifteen months ago I heard he had been diagnosed with Stomach Cancer. Two months ago I heard he had been moved into palliative care. The shock of palliative care lessens the blow. It's so final. So indisputable.
The tributes and memories on today's service was beautiful. Character descriptions of "intelligent", "awesome", "inspirational", "hard working", "focused", "inclusive", "successful" and "loving" are the adjectives that turned up time and time again. It makes you wonder what will people remember you for? How did you make others feel? The final anecdote, where Frank said he didn't want morphine because he wanted to keep a sharp mind as he recorded messages for his two boys for the future. That just sums it all up. On the 27th July 2021, Frank said goodbye. Today we said thank you and goodbye. Goodbye friend, you will be missed.
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